I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
