Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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