So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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