did you get engaged???
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
