sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
