bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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