Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
