A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
