evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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