I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize