he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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