you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
