God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
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found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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