like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
