Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
