I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
