I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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