he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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