I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
