i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
