He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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