Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
