If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
