So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
