matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
