I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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