He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
