shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Acid is not a monday night drug
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
