meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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