Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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