I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
well most of my day revolves around power hour
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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