It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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