you would pick up someone in the library
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
