she was so not down for the gang bang
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
