i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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