if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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