I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
