I'm lost and stupid without you.
i think my tv is drunk
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize