Where is the hickey?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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