She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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