the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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