I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
