i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
