it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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