I'm gonna have a badass scar
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
