i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
