I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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