I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
