Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
