He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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