i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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