3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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