Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
