The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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