I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
