She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
