HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
