im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
