The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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