please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
