Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
