apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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