Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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