That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
