the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
