You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
