"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
