I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
