That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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