Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
