the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
