Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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