We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
