I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
