i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
