Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
