So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
