I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
its liver damage thursday
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
