I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
