I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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