Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
