Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
