But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
