I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
