new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
