i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
