you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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