so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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