You smell like a Billy Joel song
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
