I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
